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FROM CONSENT TO CONDOMS

There are many factors that influence whether sex is consensual or not.

Numerous high-profile sexual assault cases have forced us to have necessary and important conversations about consent. But what is consent? The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines consent as “to give assent or approval.” If you ask someone for sex, and they say yes, then you’re all good to go! If you ask someone for sex, and they say no, then you don’t have their permission.

Easy enough, right?

Not exactly. There are many factors that influence whether sex is consensual or not.

CONSENSUAL OR NOT

Say that you’re at a place where there are people drinking alcohol. You’re sober, and you see someone you’re sexually interested in. You go up to that person and discover they’re drunk. In this scenario, you don’t engage further. Drunk people aren’t always able to make the same decisions that they would if they were sober. If you’re having trouble figuring out if someone is drunk, look out for some telltale signs: slurred words, clumsy movement and if their breath smells of alcohol. This scenario would play out the same if the person was using drugs instead of alcohol. Alcohol and drug use make it difficult for a person to give clear, informed consent, which is why most states have laws stating that a person who is intoxicated or incapacitated cannot consent to sex. If you have any doubt about someone’s ability to consent, assume they can’t.

Another example of a situation that may not be consensual is if you had to convince or coerce your partner into the act. Pressuring someone into sex is not consent, and assuming that because someone agreed to kiss or touch doesn’t mean they want to have sex. If you are kissing someone, make sure it’s O.K. to move further. In other words, getting the O.K. to kiss someone does not mean you also have permission to have sex with them. If someone tells you they want to have sex, but later changes their mind, that’s O.K. too! It’s completely valid if someone changes their mind before, or even during, sexual acts. It’s important to make sure every person involved is comfortable in the present.

These are just some instances where consent can or can’t be given. Although no means no, yes doesn’t necessarily mean yes. We are all complicated, and everything we do is going to be complicated because of it. When looking to have sex, it’s up to you to judge the situation to figure out if everyone involved is truly consenting.

If you think you understand consent, and you are involved in an act that involves the use of condoms, then keep reading.

HOW TO USE A condom

Putting on a condom can be hard. Uh, no pun intended. Some people don’t like condoms for a variety of reasons: They’re tight, they negatively affect sexual performance, or they irritate their skin. If your condom is so tight that it’s uncomfortable, then you need to get a bigger size. If you’re concerned about keeping an erection, try lubricated or ultra-thin condoms for a more natural feel. And if condoms are irritating your skin, you might be allergic to latex. Many condoms are made of latex, so if that’s the issue, consider trying a non-latex condom, such as Trojan’s Supra Bareskin.

Another problem people have with condoms is simply not knowing how to use them properly. Check out our FAQ on how to use a condom.

GOOD SEX TAKES PREPARATION

OK, so you know about consent and how to use a condom. You’re preparing yourself for sex, and that’s great. Although there’s a lot of preparation needed to have sex, there’s nothing else like it. Enjoy and be safe out there!

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Jakhi Lodgson-McCray (he/him), 17, mostly plays games and watches movies. (Things he says he shouldn’t be doing since he definitely has work to do.) Sex education has been an important part of Jakhi’s life: “I’ve learned many things, and I hope to share them with you!”

ONLINE DATING: CONNECTING DURING A PANDEMIC

In the past year, more people than ever turned to online dating to connect with others. Messaging on the dating app Hinge increased 30 percent during the last year, according to Business Insider, and Tinder reported a record-breaking 3 billion swipes on March 29, 2020.

Online dating is a great way to connect, and there are lots of options for all kinds of people to meet others they really vibe with. Taking the time to find an online dating app that meets your needs can really pay off!

Choosing the App That’s Right for You

For instance, while some apps are geared towards meeting lots of people quickly and hooking up (Tinder), other apps tout how easy it is to meet your soulmate and form a serious relationship using their platform (Hinge). Additionally, some apps have made it easier for LGBTQ+ users to connect. Many apps offer options to specify your gender identity, pronouns and sexual orientation on your profile. The great thing about dating apps is that many platforms have been created for users to find people that they’ll connect with. Whether you use an app that matches you by sexual orientation, religion or similar interests, there’s a lot to explore.

One of the biggest questions you’ll confront when you’re swiping through whichever app you happen to use is this: What are you looking for? Being upfront about what you want on whatever app you’re using is a good way to attract people you would enjoy spending time with. Of course, in the era of the biggest global catastrophe of the 21st century so far, lots of people are looking for connection. And if you’re one of those people, then be clear about what you want, choose an app that can help you meet someone and while you’re at it, be careful.

Safety First

There are some general rules to be aware of, like not giving out personal or sensitive information to someone you don’t know that well, keeping conversations in the app before giving out your phone number and reporting suspicious activity. Generally, if someone is begging to meet with you after like six seconds of talking, something might be up. Trust your gut if something seems off.

And when you are ready to meet, why not try out interesting alternatives to traditional in-person meetings? Zoom dates can be super fun! And the magic of them is that you get to leave whenever you want. Additionally, there are ways to meet up in-person that are COVID-safe, like opting for outdoor activities like picnics. 

The Power of Connection

The point is, online dating gives you the power to control many different aspects of your dating life. And like Spider-Man’s Uncle Ben said, “With great power comes great responsibility.” 

There can be a lot of pressure to find people and forge new and lasting bonds while you’re a young adult. What’s even more headache-inducing is the idea that we’re missing out on meaningful life experiences because of the pandemic. However, it’s important to recognize the power in smaller, casual connections and take the pressure off finding a relationship ASAP. Right now, there aren’t a lot of opportunities to connect to others in real life. Getting the chance to talk to those outside of your immediate circle can be stress-relieving, even if this interaction doesn’t lead to a relationship. 

So get out there and make some quarantine connections. I’m sure you’ll be happy that you did!

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Maddy Hill-Glover (she/her), a student at the University of Rochester, is a very cool and funny left-handed genius from New Jersey. She enjoys playing with small animals, hiking, drawing and curating hyperpop playlists. She gives off major bestie vibes because she’s a Libra.